Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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