I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
