fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
