He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
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THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
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He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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