Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
