I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
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Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
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I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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