She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
