Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
