Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
