Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
