Just fell off a train. Bad.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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