It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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