Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
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