yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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