I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
