if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
