you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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