Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
