There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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