I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
