just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
