well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
