if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
