Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
