Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
