I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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