You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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