I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
