im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
