Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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