So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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