he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
FUCK WHALES
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