don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
