I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
