i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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