I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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