Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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