$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
