this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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