I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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