Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?

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(770): View more from Georgia

I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.

(404): View more from Georgia

you should get a family discount.

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(206): View more from Washington

At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?

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(281): View more from Texas

WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.

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(406): View more from Montana

the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.

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(316): View more from Kansas

Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?

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(778): View more from British Columbia

He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it

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