if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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