I'm gonna have a badass scar
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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