Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
