I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
