Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
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I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
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I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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