fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
