yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
