took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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