**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
this must be what syphilis tastes like
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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