Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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