There is no way he is gay with that hair.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
