I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
