After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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