So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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