I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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