@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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