i may or may not be watching the land before time
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
