Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
