she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
