I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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