If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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