last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
