Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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