Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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