just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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