I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
